"If people misunderstand you, do not worry. It is your voice that they hear, but what goes through their mind is....their own thoughts."
~Rumi
And the same works for you too. When you find yourself getting upset with others, immediately look within and check what is bothering you. What comes from the other is only a trigger that resonates with something you already have inside. If it is calm inside and there is no baggage, then no stimulation from outside can provoke you.
Ever noticed how our attention moves to food joints when we are passing through a market and we are hungry! We notice even the most inconspicuous of the eateries. However, when we are satiated we may not notice the big ones either. What does that mean? It is our state of hunger that directs our attention.
Similarly it is our inner state of mind that determines what triggers we react or respond to. It is our old hurts and wounds associated with certain people and situations that become fresh again through new stimuli and we again feel the pain and become negative. Sometimes the current situation may not pose any threat, but our mind with old data may still interpret it as risk and make us behave in a manner that might not be the most appropriate response. It thus becomes essential that we heal our mental wounds and deal with the inner turmoil that could otherwise cause unmitigated suffering.
1. Acknowledge Inner Realities
The most constructive way of dealing with our inner turmoil is to acknowledge it and not try to suppress it or run away from it.
Every time you notice something dark inside of you, a mental wound or a hurt, acknowledge it in a non-judgemental way. All it needs is your recognition and acknowledgement. It is actually very simple. Whenever you find yourself reacting to a stimulus, remember that most likely an old wound has got activated. Before it possesses you, pause. Sit down, close your eyes, take a deep breath and try to sense where in the body do you feel the trouble. It could be in your heart, your head, pit of the stomach or somewhere else. Once you identify the part, just gently move your attention to that part and keep it there as long as it lasts. Mentally acknowledge it again and send love to that part. It is like how one would calm a troubled child.
Do this exercise as often as you can whenever you see yourself reacting and soon you will notice that the frequency of reactions will come down. You do this one issue at a time, and sometimes same issue many times, till you see that it has stopped having the effect it was having on you earlier.
2. Pay Attention to the Positive Inside You
Expand on the calm and the positive that exists inside of you, by paying it more and more attention.
Just like the troubled part needs attention and acknowledgement to stop bothering you, the positive and the joyful inside you also needs attention to grow and unfold. And the process remains the same. When you find yourself happy or joyful or calm, become more aware of the feeling, and pay attention to where in the body you sense it. You will be surprised to notice how well it responds to your attention and how it blossoms to amplify the feeling beyond your expectations. It can truly be a surreal experience.
Practise Practise Practise
However often you may read about the technique, if you don't practise it you will not be benefitted. You may learn a new technique but it will not transform you. So practise, practise and practise!
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